A lot of times when someone says they are in a relationship, people can automatically assume that it is a girlfriend or boyfriend.  However, when you think about it, we are all “in” all types of “relationships”.  We are in relationships with people at work, at home, at church, and the ultimate relationship is the relationship you are in with God!!

So where am I going with this?  First of all, let’s define relationship— I know y’all are saying…”she is always DEFINING something”.  Well, you’re right…lol…but as I warned in the beginning, I am a lover of words because the are so incredibly powerful, so let’s ride this thing out together, shall we?

Merriam-Webster has the following definitions:  

Relationship: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: such as kinship

Kinship is then defined as the quality or state of being kin, and then it goes on to provide synonyms such as liaison, association, LINKAGE.

One of the definitions of Relation  the state of being mutually or reciprocally interested

Lastly,  Ship, used as a verb, is to put in place for use.

What in the world am I getting at?

I submit to you that being in a RELATIONSHIP is this:

The DELIBERATE act of being mutually INTERESTED, and ACTIVELY available, to provide and reciprocate a QUALITY CONNECTION with those YOU CHOOSE.

That’s a lot, right?  But read it a few times:

The DELIBERATE act of being mutually INTERESTED, and ACTIVELY available, to provide and reciprocate a QUALITY CONNECTION with those YOU CHOOSE.

Relationships take ACTIVE INTEREST!  It won’t be able to sustain the phases in life if the participants don’t remain interested in being in the relationship.

Relationships must be DELIBERATE & ACTIVE you must cultivate it, water it, stimulate it, communicate or it will not thrive.

The participants must be available, and I am referring to emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally available.  If I am not spiritually available for a relationship with God, how can He communicate with me?  The same goes for every relationship we have, you must be absolutely available in every aspect.  We know that the flow in one cylinder may be slower that others at times and in seasons, and that’s normal.  However, a “slow flow” is still an ACTIVE, MOVING, and functional flow.  

The goal is to continue flowing and firing on all cylinders!!

Relationships must be RECIPROCAL in quality exchanges.  This can be different for each person, and you have to understand what QUALITY is for one person, may not necessarily feel like  quality for another.

For example, my relationship with my 16 year-old daughter is different than with my 12 year- old son.   Quality time with him is watching a movie together, quality time for her is talking or spending time with just her and I.  However, I listen to both of them because what they define as QUALITY changes with the seasons of their life.  Listen in your relationship, the QUALITY that’s required will vary, it’s not one size fits all.

Lastly, relationships are developed because of YOUR choices.  You CONNECT with different people on different levels. YOU choose the depth of those levels.  However, no matter what the depth, YOU must choose to connect in the relationship.  Without a CONNECTION, there is no relationship.  With deliberate and available interest, the connection has the necessary opportunity to move into deeper depths.

So there you have it, in my opinion, Relationships are:

The DELIBERATE act of being mutually INTERESTED, and ACTIVELY available, to provide and reciprocate a QUALITY CONNECTION with those YOU CHOOSE.

My challenge to you today is to pick three (3) relationships in your life and commit to making them better.  Ask yourself these questions:

(1). Am I interested in making this relationship better?

(2). Am I actively available for this relationship?

(3).  Am I reciprocal in this relationship, or am I taking more that I give?

(4).  Am I deliberate with my interactions in this relationship?

(5).  Do I know what a quality connection is in this relationship?

Let’s get to work together, firing on all cylinders!!  The world is waiting……

What bothers you?  I mean, if you had to stop and put a list together of what really bothers you, how long would the list be?

To take it a step further, what can be done to remove that thing/issue off of your list?  

I have committed to myself and God for the rest of 2018 to removing “things” off of my list.  Why?  

• This list is taking up VALUABLE time and space in my thoughts, my mind, and my life..not matter how big or small..it’s unnecessary clutter.

• I don’t have the ability to change some of the things because I don’t control them, but I know who does!  (Hallelujah!!)

• Am I willing to accept it and just give it lower priority in my life?  I cannot afford to do that, it needs NO priority in my life, what about yours?

• Is the item on the list affecting my day to day, my children, my ability to do my job?  If not, remove it.  If it is, pray about it and address it.

• We all have a purpose that God has ordained for us to carry out.  How can you focus on that with a growing list?

And Lastly….I must remember….

WHAT BOTHERS ME MAY BE NECESSARY FOR SOMEONE or SOMETHING ELSE.

My list is not very long, but I am looking forward to praying over it and eliminating it very soon!   I have other life-changing, God-given assignments to accomplish!!

What’s on your list today?  Let’s eliminate together..the world is waiting!!

While I am not at all a medical professional, not even close, I dabble a bit in the medical miracle that we all call our human body.  I am fascinated by the details that happen within us, just fascinated!  When God created us, there were so many intricate processes that were considered.  When I read about different components our our body and how things work on a granular level, it makes me not only thankful, but in complete awe of the magnificence that IS GOD Himself!!

Right in the center of our body is a precious, complex, integral muscle that is known as THE HEART!!!!!  The center..,the place of focus and importance, there God placed THE HEART!!

The heart is made of four chambers and beats on average about 100,000 times a day!!!!  Further, according to National Geographic, the heart has the capacity to “pump FRESH blood, oxygen and nutrients, while CLEARING AWAY, harmful waste matter.”  

When I look at this from a spiritual metaphorical way, it’s almost like God is trying to tell us that there would be things, or people that were harmful to us.  In the same way our body involuntarily clears harmful waste matter, we have some things in our life that need to be “cleared away”.

The Bible says that “out of heart flows issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23), so we are cautioned to guard it.  Luke 6:24 also says “….for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.”

Likewise, from a spiritual perspective, when your heart is clear, that is what will flow out of your mouth.  When your heart is hardened, sick, angry or evil, that is also what will flow from you.  

So think about it…what have you allowed to enter into your life, and into your heart that needs to be cleared away?   What is flowing from your mouth?  Words of life, words of encouragement, words of optimism, words of love?  Or are they words death, negativity, pessimism and hate?  Do you find yourself saying, “I shouldn’t have said that?” or”why did I say that?”

When you allow yourself to be cleansed of harmful things, people, and situations, when you stop and take inventory of what you are holding in your heart, I believe your heart can function more effectively and sustain your blood flow more effectively!

I challenge you today to meditate on what’s in your heart, purge those things that are not good, and embrace and enhance those things that are positive.  Sometimes things sneak into our heart in the most unsuspecting ways…something we hear or see, but it takes up residence in our hearts.

Search your heart today and every day.   I guarantee you that as you examine your heart, and transfuse the contents, your speech will transform like a fresh clean blood flow!!  Ready, set, go!

The world is waiting….

http://www.nationalgeographic.com

There will be seasons in your life where you will be exponentially challenged.  Things may get off track, disrupted, turned upside down, but you have to go through that season.  I mean you will have to “grind”, “go hard”, persevere, really PRESS your way through some things.  However, please trust and know that THERE IS A BLESSING in your PRESSING.  God has got you!

Think about this:

– Grapes get pressed, then fine wine is made.

– Olives are pressed into delicious oil.

– The insides of an oyster are irritated, even agitated, disrupted, and the outcome is a precious pearl.

– Athletes are pressed, but those who come through the pressure are legendary…some of my favorites..          Kobe Bryant, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Lebron James, …and just for my son Daniel,  Stephen Curry.

The PRESS is necessary….read Jer 29:11.  Pressure is just necessary, it’s on the path to excellence & greatness, it’s a part of God’s Plan for your life!

One small reminder, know that you need to rest in that PRESS.  Most people who know me understand that go a mile a minute, but…. I know when to rest.

Rest you mind

Rest your body

Rest your spirit 

Rest your heart 

In that resting comes RENEWAL, REPLACEMENT, REGENERATION, REFRESHING, REDEDICATION, REPENTANCE, REVIEW and REJUVENATION!!

What do all of those RE ‘s mean???  We didn’t give up, we didn’t cave in, we did not give into the PRESS.  Nope, we are right back in the press again …better, stronger, fresher, and ready for the next season!!  We can’t be afraid of the PRESS, God has got you!

Are you ready for the PRESS?  The world is waiting…..

Over the years I have heard so many people say “words are so powerful”.

As I grew older, I began to understand how incredibly right that statement was…and still is today.

Very simply put, we are what we say we are.  We have what we say we have. We can do what we say we can do.  It all comes back to …and starts with the POWER OF WORDS.   You also have to mix those words with FAITH, but I will post about that another day. 🙂

So if we believe words are powerful in our own lives, we also believe that we can impact the lives of others with our words.   When I think about my mission with brainchild banter it is to ENCOURAGE, MOTIVATE, INSPIRE, and so on.  It all starts with with words.  I can’t inspire, encourage, or motivate anyone if my words are used to tear down instead of build up.

With that said, we have to be accountable for the words that we speak over the lives of others.  For me, it starts in my home, and with my children, and then goes beyond.  However, I will start with my children.

For example, when a parent says, “my child is so bad”.  Are they really?  I believe that children, and people in general are not “bad people”.  They may have made some bad choices, or they may have made some consecutive “bad” choices that had long-term impacts.  Moreover, these impacts may have hurt others, including themselves, but they are still not “bad” people.  Why?

I believe as long as people are people, young or old, that the potential for a redemptive rehabilitative heart exists.  Please remember  this- an open or broken heart is a great atmosphere for change!!!    This place is where a person can turn their “bad” choices into “better” choices.  Eventually “better” choices turn into GREAT CHOICES, but it’s a journey.

I believe where the real struggle exists is along the journey.  If I am that person or that child trying to make better choices, I don’t thrive in an environment where others continue to call me “bad”.  I choose to speak LIFE over my children, my family members, my friends, and other situations in my life—its a Biblical Principle!  (Romans 4:17 & Proverbs 18:21)

This is the same for an adult as it is for a child.  Let’s say an adult made some bad choices, maybe the choices landed them in a very bad place in life.  That same person works really hard, struggles, fights to position themselves in a better place only to have “voices” remind them of:

(1) who they were

(2) what they did, or

(3) who they will never be

Who wants to hear those voices?  No one!

Not only do they NOT want to hear those voices, they don’t deserve to hear those voices.

People can be cruel and mean-spirited in their words, but I choose to believe that most people truly just don’t understand the POWER of their words.  If we truly believed the words we speak have power, we would be more accountable to our own tongues.

I challenge you to reflect on your own choice of words that you affirm to yourself , and that you choose with others.  Make a deliberate choice to hold your tongue accountable!  It’s a rewarding and liberating feeling to speak LIFE!!

The world is waiting…..

Just reflecting tonight on my life, my many many blessings, and my many lessons, here are just a few…

• I’ve witnessed the power of prayer and the strength that prayer brings…talk to God about it

• When a situation has you in a place of “what do I do”….FAITH YOUR WAY OUT…pray yourself through it

• I’ve learned that there is not enough money in the world to buy someone’s love, friendship, or loyalty….be who God has called you to be and stop wasting your money & time

• I’ve learned that WHO you surround yourself with will either DEFLATE you or PROPEL you ….choose your circle carefully 

• I’ve learned that God chose our family, we choose our own friends, always respect & honor God’s choices for your life, they will play a critical part to your divine purpose

• I’ve learned that my children need to be told “no” sometimes..when appropriate.  Why?  Because the world will tell them NO, and they need to learn to deal with the “No’s” in life until they get to the “Yes’s”

• I’ve learned that despite my wrong turns, God’s Grace is my GPS, and He always forgives me & gets me back on track……RECALCULATING my route

• I’ve learned not to judge, and if I feel like I am slipping, I audibly apologize to God and move on to a different subject..we all have some STUFF we are dealing with

• I’ve learned that God didn’t make “bad” people, but there are people who have made some “bad” decisions in life, pray for them because we have all been there.  Someone else’s bad choices may be more visible than yours, it doesn’t make them any worse..pray for them

• I’ve learned that when someone crosses your mind..pray for them.  If they are still in your thoughts…pick up the phone..don’t delay…you are probably on an assignment from God

• I have learned to laugh often, laugh out loud, and on purpose. Find the joy in your life and keep it, your destiny depends on it

• I’ve learned that when I need to rest my physical body, it’s another opportunity to strengthen my spirit through prayer 

• I’ve learned that God’s GRACE is sufficient for ________________ ; just fill in the blank with your name and receive it

• I’ve learned that EVERYONE has a story …but who will you let write the chapters in your life?

God Bless us all…..

Be Resilient!!

My Father once bought me a pocket dictionary when I was a little girl.  It was small, had a plastic protective cover, and the type was really small. He told me for every word that I learned, spelling and the definition, he would pay me a dime.  I tried to earn as many dimes as possible.  Even when it was “test time” and I collected my change, if I didn’t quite get one right, i didn’t quit.  I made sure that I reviewed those particular words again first, and cashed in on those the next time!

Look at the word, “Re” silient….RE..to repeat, do over, do again.  Isn’t it wonderful that we don’t have to get it all right the first time around?  By the same token, what would YOUR persevering strength look like if you always got it right the first time?  Would you even know HOW to persevere?  How can you really see what you are made of if you don’t understand resilience?

Resilience is extremely critical to your success in life because you take steps back, you will step to the left when you should have taken two steps to the right, you will also walk in a circle when you should have taken steps straight ahead.  But you know what…it’s okay!!!  

Resilience means I can take what I have learned through my setbacks, my turn arounds, my missteps and rise even stronger and better.

What is resilience?  Webster’s Dictionary defines resilience as:

• the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens
• the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, bent, etc.

I love the second definition that says “the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed,….”

LIFE is going to pull you, stretch you, press you, and bend you.   BUT, there’s a song we used to sing in my old Church that is based on 2 Corinthians 4:8-18.  You all have probably heard it before, I’m Trading My Sorrows ,I love this song!!  There is a part that declares, “I’m pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed, I’m blessed beyond the curse, for His promise will endure, that HIS joy is going to be MY strength.”

What does this mean?  Resilience is intrinsically a part of how God made us!!

God has got you, it’s all good, this too shall pass, God has put “greater” in you, God always causes you…purposefully CAUSES YOU to triumph!!!  I am getting excited just writing this!!!!!   

I know without a shadow of a doubt…this press, this stress, this pull, this push, this crush, this abandonment will NOT destroy you.  God’s promises WILL endure!!!!!

You lost your job?  Okay let’s go through the process, but in the end, let’s Be resilient!!

You and your significant other ended a long relationship?  Okay let’s go through the process, but in the end, let’s Be resilient!!

What’s the process?  Everyone has a process, “their process”. My process may work a little differently than your process.  Not because it’s better, or faster, or easier.  It’s simply because it is the process that works for ME personally. Pray about YOUR process, walk it out, cry it out, but MOVE through your process.

I submit to you whatever your process is, it should include you saying the words out of your mouth:

I am RESILIENT!!!

If you look at your story, I promise you that you will see examples of resilience in your life!! Resilience is already IN YOU.  Let’s have a rebirth, a renewal of that resilient spirit in you.

Resilience is about reinventing yourself .  It’s about acknowledging what went wrong, owning the missteps (if any), regrouping, setting your heart and vision towards the renewed  purpose, and begin to move!!    Simple?  Not always.  Possible, ALWAYS!!

———-

Trading My Sorrows, Written by Darrell Lawrence 

One of my friends at work and I were working late this week and starting talking about compassion.  I shared with her about my brainchild banter blog and that I have an entire chapter in my upcoming book dedicated to that one, powerful, amazing, important word….compassion!

I decided to share a few thoughts on it this morning.  I hope you are encouraged as I was when I first truly understood the word COMPASSION, and started “practicing compassion” regularly.

For example, my capacity to love my children is ENDLESS, so I understand better God’s endless love for us more clearly because of my children.

Because God has shaped my heart for my capacity to love endlessly, I trust and know that my compassion and love for others “can be” endless.  Yes, I have put up boundaries, walls, road blocks, stipulations, conditions.   All these barriers are based on situations, experiences, and how someone has treated me.  But guess what? While barriers and walls can “protect” you from some things, those same barriers and walls can keep you from other things…. important things, and these barriers can also cause your heart, your mind, and your spirit to be “closed off”, limited, with measured capacities.  I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have an open heart. Besides, God doesn’t love like that.  His love is boundless, endless, limitless, no restrictions, and all unconditional.  His love is open-ended and shaped with an immeasurable capacity…it’s endless!!

In this sweet open, naked spot is where true compassion can rest, rule, and abide.  It can take control and guide your thoughts, words, actions, and decisions.  Compassion will cause you to “see through people” and their “stuff” and instead, “see their heart”, see their need, and show them love.

There are three words I always say to my children.  I especially choose these words when they don’t agree with a decision or if I disagree with how they handled a situation.   I preface my thoughts with this…HEAR MY HEART.   When I say those words, a shift takes place in the conversation, in their posture, in their emotions.  Those three words deliberately set the atmosphere for them to know…..

• This is my Mommy talking
• She knows me
• I trust her
• She know what’s best for me
• This is the woman that will move mountains for me
• This is the woman that prays for and with me
• This is my biggest supporter 

When they shift their thinking, I hear and feel them and they hear and feel me, our hearts and ears are open.   I am in their place, I empathize with them, I am connected to them, I love them…I want to help them solve whatever their dilemma is….that’s COMPASSION.

Having this love and compassion for my children, my family, my friends, that’s easy.  What about the rest of the world???

Merriam-Webster defines compassion as “A sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.”

When we were younger, as far back as I can remember, my Mother would be driving, or even walking in a store and see someone visibly less fortunate and say, “Lord help them, there but for the grace of God go me”.   I always heard her say it, little did I know, she was teaching me compassion.   Sometimes she would feed them, other times she would just pray for them.  As I got grew older, I understood it, and have used that same principle to teach my children about compassion.  All of my sibling find ourselves quoting the same thing, “there but for the GRACE of God go me”.  It’s all that I know how to do.  Because I’m not perfect, I don’t get it right every single time, but my heart is conditioned to be compassionate, I practice it daily.

Let God’s love flow throughout your life and together let’s release the power of compassion in our homes, our workplace, with strangers as well as friends.  Even with those who are perceived as enemies…pray for them, we never know the stories or experiences that create us, but we are all here together, we all have “stuff”, and we all have the capacity to love and have compassion.

I want God to continue practice compassion daily on me, therefore, it is my desire to be more like Him.  I will continue to show love and compassion daily!

 

I pray that the world have a more endless capacity to love, to forgive, and be compassionate towards one another.

Passion is what fuels your spirit when everything else is running low. Passion will push you when everyone and everything around you is screaming NO!! Passion is what snaps you back into reality when you have pity parties and allow your mind to be invaded with self doubt and you want to give up or quit. Passion moves the heart and minds of others, and is what makes your heart skip beats. Passion will leave your breathless and cause you to stop and say “I need a moment”. Passion is thinking… “if financing and time were NOT an issue, if I had NO boundaries, NO commitments, NO restrictions, NO obstacles, what would I get up and deliberately do for the world everyday?”

You see, I believe that EVERYONE has God-given gifts and talents deposited in them before birth. So when YOUR PASSION collides…merges…aligns with the talents and gifts God has deposited in you, the moment of recognition is EXPLOSIVE!! It’s enlightening, it’s remarkable, it’s the epiphany that we all should want to experience. It’s THE MOMENT that you realize YOUR LIFE’s PURPOSE !!!!

So if you can discover your passion, and it is in alignment with your gifts that the manufacturer of your very being deposited in you….get ready for an amazing and fulfilling journey.

Your PASSION is the key to discovering, fueling, and sustaining your life’s purpose.

This week we will walk through the word …Forgive

This week I challenge you to take inventory of your feelings, activate your compassion, and release your power by forgiving.

The world is waiting….

EnOxfordDictionary.com

Stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw, or mistake